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What's really contained in a fight?

I was just thinking about the word 'fight' and realised if you rearrange the letters, it contains the word 'gift'. So maybe there's a gift contained in every fight we have. This fight could be with ourselves, our family or loved ones, with colleagues or with total strangers. The fight could be big or small, short lived or ongoing. Whatever form it takes, there is a gift contained within it. This is because a fight represents the reaction to a boundary being crossed or a value being stepped on. Something in us awakens to say, "No, that's not right and I'm willing to put energy into doing something about this." As we know, this can easily turn destructive, but it doesn't have to. That's where the 'h' comes in.


If you rearrange the letters of 'fight', of course that leaves an 'h' leftover. So what does the 'h' mean? What if it stood for 'humility' or 'humble'? Humility is the quality of being humble and means putting the needs of another person before your own, and thinking of others before yourself. It also means not drawing attention to yourself, and it can mean acknowledging that you are not always right.


For the purposes of this thought experiment, let's assume it means "thinking of others before yourself" and "acknowledging that you are not always right." If you took on that attitude when in a fight, how long do you think it would last? How quickly do you think it would transform the situation?


You may be thinking, "That's fine to say, but what if I am right?" And in the heat of the moment, it can be very hard to think of anything but winning or protecting yourself. But what if you could stop for a moment and wonder how the other person is feeling, considering that they may be in pain or that they are acting in this way because they feel unsafe in this moment? We all have the ability to be the wounded animal that lashes out because it's trying to create space around itself so it can heal. I've done it many times. But it is entirely possible to take on another perspective if we so choose. It first takes willingness and then it takes some practice. I'm sure you're more than capable of doing both.


So if we can take a moment to consider how the other is feeling and also consider that maybe I'm not right or this is no right or wrong, it brings in a more objective view and that can help soothe tender emotions and calm the farm. And in that moment, it creates an opening for that humble gift to shine through.

 
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